Animal Crossing: New Leaf (3DS)
Animal Crossing is home at last- on a handheld. There was never a better place for it, and the death of late King Wild World allowed the crown to pass on to the 3DS, and allowed the kingdom to- ahem- turn over a new leaf.
There really are certain games that are best on a handheld. When you can play them on car rides, or whip out a last few minutes of game time before you need to go to a fancy dinner with fancy people who talk about fancy things. Animal Crossing’s unique blend of simulation and addiction is the perfect formula for handheld gaming.
Nothing in Animal Crossing is more interesting than my house, though, to be honest, so let me tell you all about it. I have a right to be proud- after all, I spent months of my life working in the fields, harvesting fruit from trees, searching the beaches for fancy fish, stalking the trees of faraway lands for foreign bugs. Months, all so that I could build my dream home, the perfect bachelor pad.
When you first enter my home, you might think you’ve stumbled upon my beach house- Cabana furniture is the theme of the day, and K.K’s ukulele plays in the background. Take a seat upon my cushioned chairs, which were, mind you, woven by the hands of an island’s native frog populace, and enjoy a margarita, or a beer, if you desire, straight from my cooler. Take off your coat and leave the snow outside- in here, it’s always summer.
You seem tense. Join me upstairs and I will show you to more modern comforts, like a sleek sofa beside a sleek table, underneath a sleek clock that ticks away the time. Technically, yes, this is the bedroom- you’ve astute observational skills, my friend. No, I didn’t invite you here for what you’re thinking of. Don’t make this creepy.
Fine. Then join me back downstairs and follow me to the right. Step into my Private Eye office and explain to me exactly what happened to you that afternoon in that bedroom, with that man you didn’t trust (and for good reason). Mhm. He did what to you? Interesting. Give me a few days and I’ll have tracked him down. Rumor has it he took off in a spaceship hours after he…you know.
Yes, a spaceship. The room to the left is a detachable one, after all. Don’t sit in the captain’s chair, silly. That spot is reserved for the Big Cheese. Now, if we examine this wall-mounted monitor, very fancy, yes, very future proof, then we may be able to figure out where he’s gone. But before that we must get the Samurai’s blessing. Hm? Yes, his blessing. Just follow me to the basement.
Here we are. Don’t mind the almost three dozen frogs who fill the entire room- they’re here to seek the blessing of the great Samurai, same as you. Let’s just light these rows of candles so we can see. Alright. Oh, blessed Samurai who sits behind an oriental screen, give us your blessings so that we might apprehend the man who might have done the dirty upstairs with an unwilling partner.
Very good. Now, we know exactly where he’s gone. Follow me back to the beach house. Alright. Good. We just have to go through the back door and we’ve got him.
Welcome to the Pleasure Room- these fine ladies- right, ladies, not mannequins. Really, don’t make this creepy- these ladies will help you to… relax… as I figure out where that dastard has gone.
Plot twist: I’m that dastard.
Be sure to enjoy your stay!