E3 happened.  I happened.  Now I’m going to happen again right here, right now, with a continued look at my games of the show.  This time with some of those other games that Nintendo didn’t invent.

Shadow of Mordor

Hands down my most looked forward to game on the PS4 and Xbox One.  It’s not just every game that lets you make gods of nobodies.  Because that’s what I intend to do.  Turn Ulguk Ratspitter into Ulguk Ratspitter, Legendary Pimp of Rivendell, First of his Name and True King of Mordor.

And then I will slay him, because he is mine, and he must be made an example of.  So that all the land will know my name.  Know what I am capable of.

Such exploits as dominating lesser men.  Teleporting from one enemy to the next with dizzying speed.  Riding warg lions across these barren lands.  Parkour.  Bitch slapping.  Knife throwing.  Rune carving.  Punk slaying.  General all around badassery.

These are the tales that orcs will tell to their fellow orcs in orcish taverns in orcish lands, with fear in their plump little orcish eyes.  And then one little orc will sneak away in the night, a nobody dreaming of being a somebody.

And I shall make it so.

Assassins Creed Unity

I don’t think you quite understand the importance I put onto the following words: players can fully explore Paris together.  But let me try to help you.

Here’s the importance I put into my favorite game of all time, Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

Importance.

And here’s the importance I put into those words.

IMPORTANCE.

Do you get it now?

Being able to dick around in a fully open, fully beautiful Paris (in which we can walk into “1 in 4” buildings) with my brother, cutting down aristocrats’ little beefcake soldiers before free running away (this time down buildings as coolly as up) is kind of a dream.  Well, Paris is inconsequential, but the rest of it is going to be fucking sweet.

But here’s the thing about Assassins Creed Unity at E3 this year.  That cinematic trailer.  Here’s the thing about cinematic trailers.  Too many developers use them instead of gameplay.  No.  That ain’t shit.  But Ubisoft uses it as a treat, a supplement to gameplay footage that only adds to the hype.

And what an amazing cinematic trailer it was, featuring not one, not two dashing, daring assassins but four, all working in tandem to murder the fuck out of uncool, way too posh French people.

Only not.  Because these guys are way cooler than that.  They leave the vengeance to the people, the second coolest thing ever.

The first coolest being the moment when the assassins are protecting each other and the saved totally acknowledge their friends with the most suave little waves and nods ever, which act as simultaneous “Thanks, brahs” and “yeah, yeah, you saved me, I get its.”

AC Unity.  Proving the true era of co-operative open world experiences are upon us.

Dead Island 2

Can I have a moment to not care about Dead Island 2, but to appreciate that amazing trailer?  Good, because we’re moving on.

I’m an impatient guy, I admit.  In fact, I’m ending my list of games of the show right there because I just wrote this all at once and I’m totally done writing this.  So let me leave you with a list.  A list of all the games I plan to get that were shown at E3 this year.  Are you ready?  It’s a lot of games.

PS4/PS3

• Destiny
• Shadow of Mordor
• Dragon Age
• Borderlands
• Evolve
• Call of Duty
• Far Cry 4
• AC Unity
• LBP3
• Dying Light
• Witcher 3
• Batman
• Siege
• Division

I’m so done I didn’t even type out the entire titles for most of them.  But not so done that that’s the entire list.

Xbox One

• Sunset Overdrive
• Forza Horizon 2
• Gorillacat
• Crackdown
• Scalebound
• Phantom Dust

These lists might be a little misleading.  They suggest I get more games for my PS4, which is true, but it also suggests I like the PS4 more than the Xbox One.  Let me be clear.  I have siblings and friends with PS4s.  This is for the sake of playing with them and trading games around.  After all, as far as E3s and exclusives go, Xbox One trumps PS4.  I said that last time, right?  But they’re both trumped by

Wii U

• Hyrule Warriors
• Bayonetta 2
• Captain Toad
• Super Smash Brothers
• Amiibo stuff
• Splatoon
• Mario Maker
• Yoshi’s Wooly World
• Kirby
• Xenoblade X
• Devils Third

3DS

• Persona Q
• Theatrythm
• Pokemon Art Academy
• Super Smash Bros
• Pokemon Alpha Sapphire
• Tomadachi Life
• Fantasy Life
• Monster Hunter 4U
• Codename STEAM

In all, counting the purchase of new consoles (PS4, Xbox One, and an upgraded 3DS XL), the total comes to something like 3500, give or take.  Then there’s tax.  And games like Cuphead and Swords and Soldiers II which I’ll totally be picking up.  And a Wii U Pro Controller for Smash.  And a GC controller adapter for Smash.  (I’ll be using the Wii U Pro Controller because the button placements are more akin to the 3DS version) (Plus it’ll feel more new) (I like new).

Will I be able to afford all of this?

Hahaha.

So what are your guys’ favorite games of the show? What all are you planning to buy?  Hoping to buy?  Wishing you had enough money to buy?  Also, is anyone looking for a new kidney for, say, 3500 US dollars?