My title may suggest there is a cohesion here. Let me be the first to tell you the truth.
You have been misled.
There is no cohesion here. No overarching theme or message to tie together some of my thoughts on some of the hot topics of the past couple weeks. In fact, some of them aren’t even related to hot topics or the last couple weeks.
But that’s the beauty of a Blog of Every Which Thing.
Pony Tails
#noponytail: The cry of a generation.
Link, the epitome of machismo fairy boy/man, has always had an excellent barber. Someone who knew the fashion trends of Hyrule, what would and wouldn’t cut it on the streets, with the Gorons. Someone who knew how to woo the hearts of Zoras and gamers across the planet.
That someone was fired.
Now, Link’s entire image has been compromised: he wears a pony tail. He might not actually be a machismo fairy boy/man, instead settling for just fairy boy or even fairy girl. Intrigue. Plot twists. Pony tails.
Will the horror never end?
It’s like if Zelda went with a punk rock haircut.
Or maybe it’s not that bad.
To be honest, I didn’t even notice the pony tail the first time around, nor the particularly feminine features, since he’s always been one part machismo, one part fairy. After it was pointed out to me, it definitely stood out. The way my roommate’s chin did the for the first time in my four years of knowing him.
So I can’t say I was exactly enamored by it. Just not offended.
But I do like one of GameExplain’s hypothesis based on supposed similarities to Princess Mononoke: that Link will cut it off after being kicked out of his village.
Sounds fun to me!
Female Assassins
So Ubisoft isn’t having Female Assassins in AC: Unity.
At first, I was outraged. No swaying hips? No sexy hindquarters? It’s like if they gave Link a ponytail….
I actually didn’t care. Many people do, and I’m not going to say it’s without grounds. What I’m going to say is:
Ubisoft’s excuse stands. It holds water. It would take double the work. The problem is, people think the only work would extend to modeling. Ubisoft has modeled females before. All the time. That’s not the problem.
The problem is that AC: Unity is Arno’s story. The missions the players do are designed for Arno. Co-op can be done in some story missions too. Which means that Ubisoft would either have to be okay with a disconnect between gameplay and story scenes (kind of goes against the whole unity thing), or also write the story to allow for a female variant. An entire separate character.
That’s why it would be so much more work. Not the modeling. Remember: every dude is Arno. Every dudette is Arno. Arno is love.
Also, there’s a part when we have to let a development team make the game they want to make. No matter how trivially offensive or incredibly offensive. At least, we have to if we want to call them art.
And Arno’s sexy hindquarters are nothing if not art.
Armchair CEOs
I’m going to make a request of the gaming community at large:
Let’s stop worrying about financials and start enjoying our games.
The whole Sony is going bankrupt and Nintendo is going the way of SEGA stuff has gotten so old and trite. And it comes up in every single article and debate and I’m pretty tired of it. If an article or blog is about financials, then by all means. I don’t click those articles. I don’t care about those articles. Because as a consumer, I don’t care about the economics of these companies. I care that they make awesome games that I get to buy.
But when someone talks about how awesome X or Y’s E3 was? Talk about the games. Not the company.
For real.
Also butts.
Gamepad Games and the Moments I Knew it was Awesome
People keep saying that the Gamepad hasn’t proved it’s rad.
Sit the fuck down.
I’m not going to say these games prove why the Wii U Gamepad is the best thing ever (they do), just that they absolutely improved my experience with these titles and I wouldn’t have played them any other way. Some make sense. Others might surprise you (or make you roll your eyes).* *not an exhaustive list
Nintendoland
I don’t think I need to explain this. Asynchronous multiplayer is the best thing ever, and Nintendoland proves it. Anyone who plays the Animal Crossing, Mario, and Luigi’s Mansion attractions and doesn’t love them is an idiot. Anyone who plays them and can’t understand that the Wii U controller is the bees knees is also an idiot*. Scientifically proven.
*no offense to the idiots of the world
New Super Mario Bros U
NSMBU is some of the most fun I’ve ever had with a 2D Mario game. The challenge mode stuff is just the best (especially Boo Ballet). But this game didn’t teach me the Gamepad’s brilliance through the challenge mode. It taught me through my family’s made up 2v3 mode. One player and the Gamepad work together against the remaining three players and duke it out- the winner being the last man standing. I can forgive you for thinking the platform laying action of the gamepad was for cooperative play. But that’s totally not the case. Anyone who has had to be the Gamepad while playing NSMBU with a full house knows its way more fun to block jumps and trap fools.
Rayman Legends
If you’ve played Rayman Legends Wii U with a friend, you understand what I mean. My roommate and I played the Challenge App for HOURS, all hostility towards Ubisoft for the delay evaporated. We mastered the levels where you have to run for as long as you can, one person controlling Rayman, one person making sure the stage was ready for him. Super fun. Super definitive.
Splinter Cell: Blacklist
I rarely used the gadgets in Splinter Cell in the beginning of the game. Just too much trouble to use the buttons. But once I remembered I could just tap the screen? My entire approach to the game changed, and I spent more time laying out my traps and plans than I actually did killing people. Because it was just another button press, right there where my thumb could reach it. Only on the Wii U.
And there you have it. That’s been another Blog About Every Which Thing, the best way to say a little about a lot and move on with my life.